Warning: The following story may be disturbing to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
Praying daily is one of the steps on my ten steps to healing melist. My first thought was “this won’t be so painful,” but then I had a flashback of me so many years ago. A little, sweet-faced four-year old girl, following my mother down the stairs.
What had I done wrong? I didn’t want him to do those dirty things to me. I didn’t understand. Why was I such a bad girl? I was just so scared and couldn’t stop crying. What was wrong with me?
I’ve been thinking a lot about that list, the ten steps to heaven list that I wrote about earlier. I find myself overwhelmed after evaluating my life. How did I get here? I feel as if I have back stepped in a lot of ways over the last ten years.
I’ve not spoke with my birth mother, my brother or my father’s sons in years so they are no longer an issue but I still feel like I have so much to sort out in my life, in my heart and in my head. Stuff I was sure I had sorted out already. Continue reading Ten Steps To Healing Me→
The view from my windshield is beautiful, even in the winter time where the trees remain bare and the grass doesn’t grow. Life is still beautiful, without flip-flops and sandy beaches but it’s just so hard to take in.
Living has always been hard for me. This is just another day where my breathing feels faint; because each heart beat is painful. It’s suffocating and agonizing, like a scab being torn off a wound over and over again, bleeding, dripping, and splattering as it reaches its destination.