Monthly Archives: August 2013

Banana Nut Cream Cheese Bread

Banana Nut Cream Cheese Bread

Banana nut cream cheese bread or any banana nut bread for that matter is a favorite of mine. It’s hard to resist when I see it on a menu or a co-worker brings a loaf to work and wants to share. Being allergic to gluten and having other food allergies prevents me from this tasty treat when I am out and about so I did some research and created a recipes of my own that I’m excited to share with you. I hope you love it as much as I do! Makes 12 super delicious servings. Continue reading Banana Nut Cream Cheese Bread

Dancing with Death

Dancing with Death

Warning: The following story may be disturbing to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.

Dancing with Death

My heart has only known darkness,
A shadow, looming over my soul.
It’s a dungeon, ever widening,
From an evil I cannot control.

The pain is suffocating,
Hovering – swaying in a dance of death,
Smothering my existence,
As I fight for my last breath.

Searching for a haven,
A harbor for my pain.
My tear drops I am choking on,
My emotions bound in chains.

I struggle to move forward,
Falling further and further behind.
Haunted by the demons,
Plagued by memories etched in my mind. 

Stumbling in the darkness,
A facade of armor,
Confident and strong.
Is this my destination? Is this where I belong?

Fighting through the chaos,
Weeping wounds along the way.
Choking on the bloodshed,
Scars left by those who have betrayed.

Praying for an angel,
Begging at deaths door,
Confusion is my mindset,
I suffer even more.

My home – a torture chamber,
The walls a distorted shape.
Hell is my only playground,
Living this childhood of rape.

Dancing with Death

If you are reading this and were molested as a child, raped, sexually assaulted, etc. I’m sure that you can relate.

When I was growing up, I felt very alone in the world. I knew that what was being done to me was wrong but I felt that it was my own fault because no one that I knew talked about this kind of stuff. My mother, the one person who was supposed to protect me, supposed to love me and keep me safe, she blamed me – she hated me – she made me feel worthless, ashamed and improper so I was too afraid to tell anyone else for fear of losing their love and respect. If my own mother felt that way about me, wouldn’t others feel that way about me too? If they knew, wouldn’t they dislike me and shame me too? I didn’t want anyone to dislike me or to shame me anymore than I already disliked and shamed myself.

I prayed daily, I prayed for the abuse to stop but it went on year after year and as the time passed, my prayers turned to questions. I questioned God – asking him why I was put on this earth. I wanted to know if this was my purpose in the world. Did he bring me into this world to be tormented or were there other reasons. I questioned Him a lot. I wanted to know what I had done to deserve the life that I had. I blamed him. I didn’t need a reason to hate God because I felt that I’d had plenty of them.

I felt that most people don’t understand how that abuse dominated my life. I feared it. It was constantly on my mind. I worried every second of every day. I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I barely got by in school, I smoked cigarettes and abused drugs and alcohol to the point that I overdosed as a teenager, landing myself in the hospital with doctors forcing lethal doses of drugs out of my system.

When it was over and I was free, it continued by haunting me. I’m still haunted by the memories of each time I was touched. I’m still haunted by my mother’s words, in my head, repeatedly telling me that it’s my fault, my shame and I am even sometimes haunted by the seething anger and the need for revenge that runs through my veins. As a young adult, the reality of my world was harsh. Physically I was no longer being abused but emotionally I was often raped over and over again.

Today, I still pray about it.

Interested in reading more of Kerri Chronicles? Check these out:

No Turning Back
My Life is Utterly Meaningless
Satan Feeds

© Kerri Bishop Reece | Kerri Chronicles

Satan Feeds

Satan Feeds

Warning: The following story may be disturbing to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.

That little blonde headed girl looking out that window, the police lights flashing and wondering why she wasn’t being protected, waiting to be saved. I want to save that little girl who is frozen in fear. I want to hug her and spare her pain but all I can do now is love her and help her heal her wounds.

Satan Feeds

The pain strikes and it’s binding,
Like shackles imbedded with nails,
My protector in the darkness,
The face of Satan is unveiled
Continue reading Satan Feeds

RAPE BY ANY OTHER NAME IS STILL RAPE

My friend David wrote this article on March 2, 2013 on his site Together We Heal. David’s point of view as a survivor himself gives much to think about. He makes some valid points so I wanted to share and get your opinion. Check out David’s site at first chance, he doing big things to help others.

I was sitting on the patio having my morning Coca-Cola, when I came across the most disturbing article title, “Is it Rape or Incest? Giving Abuse a Politically Acceptable Name”. I didn’t think I’d ever heard of a politically acceptable name for abuse. Have you?

Continue reading RAPE BY ANY OTHER NAME IS STILL RAPE

Identity

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This is an incredible reblog, posted on August 23, 2013♦.

This is truer than true so for anyone struggling with their identity. If you find yourself in this place emotionally, I want to encourage you to visit Amanda Lannon’s site and read the full post. Her testimony is so powerful and very much comes from the heart.

Continue reading Identity