A Puppet on a String

www.kerrichronicles.comWarning: The following story may be disturbing to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.

My addiction started when I was 15 with alcohol. Hanging out with friends and drinking seemed innocent enough until I was 17 and got raped, then for me the downward spiral started.

When I was 18 the true nightmare began and I was introduced to ecstasy and all the demons that go with it. This drug opened up a world to me I never knew existed full of sex, drugs, and lies. And I wish now I never knew it existed!!

I tried stripping for a while but that was not enough money for me. So then I started working in spa’s and became deeper into the drug world and was snorting and smoking cocaine daily and drinking. I had to be high to deal with my customers.

When I was not working in spa I was clubbing constantly and still always high! My family was a mere memory in my mind even though they were just a mile down the street.

I was just a little girl lost looking for love but every guy I met was just after sex and who could blame them- cause at the time that’s all I had to give. I could not give them my heart cause it belonged to the drugs and all I had to give them was my body. I was doing all kinds of speed every day and GHB. In this time I quit the spa and moved on to escorting.

When I was 19 I found out I was pregnant and quit drugs and had my beautiful baby 7 months later. I stayed clean until my daughter was about 1 and then I ran into someone I knew from before I was pregnant and the demons of old were back in my life and i went straight to shooting up cocaine and escorting again.

I completely engulfed myself in the drugs and the sex and made it a point to never be sober cause when I was sober I would hurt so bad in my heart from leaving my baby with my mom so i could go and do drugs. I ended up going from cocaine to meth cause meth was cheaper and the new group of friends I hung out with were doing this drug.

I never had a mind of my own and was always following the crowd. I remember one day I desperately wanted to quit drugs so bad but could not see a way out. So I called around to some rehabs and no one would help me cause I had no insurance or money. I even called the mental health center and they were the same. So in my mind I was like if no one is willing o help me then why quit. So I was shooting up meth constantly and completely gave up on any kind of life free of drugs.

I began walking down the street prostituting for money for drugs. Not caring what happened to me cause, like I said, i had given up and I’m now like a puppet on strings and the drugs are the puppet master!
All of this was going on almost ten years ago! I have been drug free for almost ten years!!! I didn’t go to any drug rehab or any counseling to become clean! I became clean after 10 years of addictions of all types by many people praying for me and by my Jesus who guided me back into the light out of the darkness!

I have slipped a few times and went out clubbing in the ten years of sobriety from drugs but I never have touched a drug again! I would love to say it was easy but becoming and staying clean was the hardest thing I have ever done! The drugs may be gone but the battle of the mind and dealing with all the wounds surrounding the life I lived made was difficult! But every day was easier than the day before and before I knew it a year had passed then another and another!

I’m not perfect and still have days I wonder how I will make it through but I am alive and free and have two beautiful children who look up to me and need me to be strong and courageous for them and I am!

I know what it is like to be so out of control and not know where you stop and the drugs began. You forgot who you really are because you have been so many different people and hustling all the time. Let me just say there is Hope and you can break free from the addictions that have bound you for so long! I did! You have a life outside of drugs and you are somebody who is loved and you do count and are not just some statistic in the world. Just grabs hold of whatever support system you have and hold on tight! Believe in yourself and Trust in God for the rest; and you will wake up one day, five years later and still be free and be living a life you never thought possible, clean and sober free of addiction and full of love!!

-Mary Priddy


4 thoughts on “A Puppet on a String

  1. First of all let me say your daughter has a strong calling on her life or she wouldn’t be battling so hard right now! The enemy knows that and that is why he is throwing everything at her. For now yes she feels defeated and I know you do! But I can guarantee you that she and you will make it out of this warfare victorious because Jesus loves you both so dearly and he is covering her even though it may not seem that way and He is sheltering you as well with unspoken comfort that can only come from Him! Keep on standing in the gap for her right now and in due time, Gods time, she will be back on Holy ground with the enemy behind her and you gripping on to her hand as she too shares her testimony of How with Jesus guiding her and never letting her go and you praying and loving her through she overcame! I’m praying for both of you and your family!!

  2. I so appreciate the honesty of this post. I pray that as the Word of God states that by the word of their testimony, they and many others are set free. I have a 22-year-old daughter whose life is consumed with some of the same elements and we have placed her in rehab, have filed paperwork and had her committed against her will, and have tried other method to include tearful pleas begging her to stop. To have my precious, beautiful baby immersed in such darkness and knowing that her heart aches so badly is more than I can endure without the ability to lean on and trust in Christ for her restoration and healing. This post provides me with hope but it also makes clear to me what I’ve been told by countless professionals and family members if those who’ve recovered – that it is something that only she can decide to do and when she does , it will take determination and hard work on her part . In the meantime, I maintain a relationship with her to the extent possible and offer her a source of unconditional love. Learning not to be an enabler has been my toughest assignment but I trust that The Lord has her in his sights and as she places herself in dangerous situations, He will protect her until such time as she turns around in surrender. In the meantime I intercede. Thank you for this post.

    1. God hears your prayers for your Beautiful little girl!! The prayers you have prayed have never ever gone unheard! You remember taking her to church as a child? And some Sundays were harder to just get to church than others?? The same Jesus that she was taught in Sunday school is still with her today! She may not act it right now but Jesus is still in her heart and that same Jesus will be what saves her and brings her home to you!! Yes it has to be in Jesus’ timing and not our own! She has to get to the point that she is done with the life she’s living!! She has to get there on her own so that when she becomes clean she will stay clean! She loves you dearly she really does! Do not ever think for a moment that she does not! It’s just this season she is in she is not in control of her life! There is hope there is always hope!! Keep on praying for her because that with her childlike Jesus in her heart and the moment she gives up is what will combine together and bring her home!! Be Blessed;)

      1. You have no idea how you’ve ministered to me with this comment. I sit here with tears streaming as I recall her as a little girl, her as a youngster going on a mission’s trip and coming back with a heart that swelled with purpose. I worked so hard to keep the girls in church and sometimes I wonder if I based too much of our goings on around that and therefore, missed some warning signs. In fact, I am certain that I did. Thank you so much for your words. They are truly like a balm or healing salve over my broken and troubled heart. I appreciate this more than you know, for hope is a difficult thing to salvage sometimes, particularly when it has to do with your children, for whom I would give my life it I thought it could save theirs. God bless you.

Why hello, friend! Thanks for sharing your comments. Should you have a question, please feel free to ask it here and I'll do my best to reply promptly. Thanks for stopping by! xo Kerri