Wordless, this photograph has sat framed, in my home, my entire life. No matter where I have lived, I’ve kept it close, hearing its horrifying screams daily, silently grasping for me, bellowing out all the words that you see from the well of my deepest despair. Words boldly wrestling within my soul, clawing out those tiny eyes, like rusted barbed wire, embracing me, bludgeoning me, shredding all that was left of my vanquished tortured being. Continue reading The Essence of a Little Girls Loneliness and Pain
I am often asked why I don’t associate with my birth mother, my brother, and two of my half-brothers. The conversations all start with, “How is your…?” To which I reply, “I’m not really sure, I haven’t seen them or talked to them in years”. Then I am asked “Why?” To keep it simple, I just say that we took different paths in life, which sums it up in a nutshell, but that never seems to be an acceptable answer, because as soon as it’s said, the interrogation begins. At this point, I usually just say that the house I grew up in was abusive so I walked away, so I wouldn’t become a product of that environment. I am then told, in so many words, that it’s sinful and wrong that I’ve cut off ties with my family; that it doesn’t matter that they were or are abusive to me, the proper thing to do is be patient and tolerant of their sins.
I had just moved 856 miles away from my family, escaping 13 years of sexual abuse. I was 22 years old, standing alone, raw and lost to say the least. Love was not something I ever knew, it was something I’d never been shown. I was stifling years of pain, staring down scars, scars embedded in my soul. Continue reading HIDDEN AMONGST THE RUBBLE
Warning: The following may be disturbing to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
My family gave me a life that wasn’t easy to live.
Just about every year for the 4th of July, I jump in my car and drive thirteen hours to my home town in Pennsylvania, to spend a week with my cousin Joe and his family. Having done this for the last fifteen years, I’d have to say that this year’s trip, even though cut short, was one of the most exciting because it came with a blast from the past as I met up with some childhood friends I haven’t seen since the sixth grade.
I’d already seen their pictures on the social sites we’re connected through but I would have recognized them anywhere because they haven’t changed a bit.
Jana with her spunky self can still make me laugh like she did on the school bus every day and Debbie with her sweet spirit is still laughing right along with us. We had so much fun, if it had rained, I believe we’d have just started dancing.
We took a trip and spent the day walking around Rice’s Market in New Hope, PA and then rode over to Peddler’s Village where we ate some lunch and did a whole lot more shopping and believe it or not, none of us bought shoes!!!
I cannot wait to visit and vacation with them again, hopefully one day soon at the beach!