I’m not bitter with you, I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you didn’t want to be a part of my life and my successes. I feel sorry that you would rather be my biggest failure. I feel sorry that you chose a life without me in it. I feel sorry that I’ve accomplished so much in the last couple of years and you’ve heard nothing about it. I feel sorry that you have no right to be proud of me. I feel sorry that you will never be a part of my life again. I feel sorry that I let you hurt me as badly as you did. I feel sorry that I put so much trust and effort into building a relationship with you; a relationship that you just didn’t want. I feel sorry that I had faith in you. Most of all, though, I feel sorry that you will forever feel that I’m simply not good enough.
I am often asked why I don’t associate with my birth mother, my brother, and two of my half-brothers. The conversations all start with, “How is your…?” To which I reply, “I’m not really sure, I haven’t seen them or talked to them in years”. Then I am asked “Why?” To keep it simple, I just say that we took different paths in life, which sums it up in a nutshell, but that never seems to be an acceptable answer, because as soon as it’s said, the interrogation begins. At this point, I usually just say that the house I grew up in was abusive so I walked away, so I wouldn’t become a product of that environment. I am then told, in so many words, that it’s sinful and wrong that I’ve cut off ties with my family; that it doesn’t matter that they were or are abusive to me, the proper thing to do is be patient and tolerant of their sins.
We all have to set boundaries for ourselves. It’s very important. Boundary setting is not about getting other people to change. It is about deciding what you are prepared to tolerate and then communicating those limits firmly and consistently.
Warning: The following may be disturbing to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
My family gave me a life that wasn’t easy to live.
As a parent, when it comes to family gatherings that include grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, there’s one awkward situation that will arise that most parents will be unprepared to deal with:
Relatives who expect hugs and kisses from little ones, even when those little ones don’t want to give them – the child simply doesn’t want to show them affection.