I’ve been thinking a lot about that list, the ten steps to heaven list that I wrote about earlier. I find myself overwhelmed after evaluating my life. How did I get here? I feel as if I have back stepped in a lot of ways over the last ten years.
I’ve not spoke with my birth mother, my brother or my father’s sons in years so they are no longer an issue but I still feel like I have so much to sort out in my life, in my heart and in my head. Stuff I was sure I had sorted out already.
I’m a college graduate, I’m successful, I live right, I have a great kid, I am better than the environment in which I was raised (or shall I say tortured), which are all things I have worked very hard to achieve. I take the high road when it comes to doing the right thing but I am still tormented by my childhood, the memory of it all. I am still beating myself up over the memory of that sad little girl who was never cared for or loved, that sad little girl with those big grown up tears.
Stephanie once suggested, in casual conversation, that I make a list of the top ten things that I want in a husband and that seems like a good idea if I was interested in dating but I’m not so I thought why not make a top ten list of things to change within myself.
I really feel that I just need to focus on me at this time in my life. That may sound selfish but it’s for all the right reasons. I am a flawed individual and I need to heal. I need to be a better me if I’m going to make a difference in the world and today is where I plan to start. Here are the top ten things I will change about my life. In no certain order, I will make myself better in these areas and I will seek God to do it.
Find a church and Research the Bible
Stop entertaining toxic people
Confront my past – All OF IT
Forgive others and my self
Learn to love being me
Start talking about my past, make good out of it
Knock Down Walls
Spend more time with friends and Family
I need everyone to pray for me.
From the personal journal of Kerri Bishop Reece
written October 12, 2006
© Kerri Bishop Reece | Kerri Chronicles
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