Warning: The following story may be disturbing to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.
I have no idea how to get this out of me other than to write. There is so much inside of me that is going to come out. I will not let it fester inside of me any longer. I don’t even know where to start because there is so much. So here it goes.
Since this abuse has come out, I have been protecting you. I have no idea why I have been protecting you with the s#$! you have done to me, but I have. Actually I know why I did it, but I’ll get to that later. I have always said that if it wasn’t for Sg, you would have not raped me. Yes, you raped me. You shoved your d#$! inside of me whether you claim you don’t remember or not. I clearly remember it. I also remember telling you that it hurt and all you did was spit on yourself and shove it back in. Some big brother. There are other things that I remember also. You want to know what they are? Even if you don’t, I’m telling you.
Lets take a trip down memory lane to Park Ave. You remember that house? You know, the house where you abused me and I threw fits in the middle of the night because I didn’t want to sleep alone…yeah, I said abuse in that house. Lets see…remember the porn channels that we got from the black box Daddy got? You were so interested in it and so sick in the head that you made me watch it with you. Also, you had me masturbate in front of you because you wanted to get off. How f*%#ing sick is that? Wanting your little sister to masturbate because you were a horny teenager.
Then remember when I was in the shower? You would come in to look and once and awhile you would touch. Once you filled a squirt gun and forced me to bend over and you squirted it up my a#$. What the f*#! was up with that? If you think about it, you abused me more than Sg. I focused all my hate and anger for the both of you on Sg because you are my biological brother. That isn’t fair to Sg. Yes, he raped me. Oh, back up for a minute. Do you remember forcing me to give you head and play with you and Sg? I remember once gagging on you and all you did was push my head closer to you shoving it even deeper. It was so f*#!ing gross. I also remember in detail one time you wanted me to “play” with you. You laid down with your pants off, made me sit on your legs and play with you. I remember pretending to be on a beach playing with a bat and beach balls. We also played “doctor”.
None of this is make-believe or lies. All of this has happened. Why would I make any of this up? I repressed all of these for many years. Even when Ab molested me, it wanted to come up but I forced it back down. It wasn’t until one of the times my husband and I were having sex and I freaked out, that I could remember being abused. You claim you don’t remember raping me. I’m sorry but that’s bulls#!@. You were not the victim, I was. Sg denies it but that is a different story. I’m not confused about him. I’m confused about you. I feel like there are two Cg’s. The Cg who abused me horribly, and then the Cg who was my big brother that I was close to. We were really close at one point. Until the abuse came out, we were close. I love that Cg. It seriously feels like you are the abusive Cg again. I’ve started to think that that Cg doesn’t exist at all. It’s sad…you are my biological brother. What the f^#!…how could you have done this? People know what you have done to me. I am not going to keep quiet anymore. It is my story, my experience to share. I will let it out and I will heal. I am a survivor who will thrive!!!
Your healing/broken sister
– Cayleigh Lightstone