Push & Shove

I’ve been talking to my friend Frances on a daily basis lately. She is the one that I met online a couple of months back. I told her that every time I drive past the church she attends I feel compelled to stop and visit so we planned to meet in the parking lot first thing this morning but then she never showed up.

I ’d drove a good distance to get there, waited for her until the service started but she didn’t call me or text me letting me know that she wouldn’t be coming until I called to see how much longer she would be. I understand children being sick, I have a child myself but she could have at least called. 

I was irritated but found myself sitting there feeling that I still needed to go in.  Not because I felt that I needed to be there to worship because I can worship anywhere. I just felt called to that particular place. That is really the only way to explain it.

I don’t need to be in church to worship. I can worship God anywhere and with anyone. I don’t need a clergy person telling me what to believe; I can read my own Bible, do my own research and form my own opinions but I had a strong sense that I needed to be in that building.

As I sat in my car, I recalled all the pressures that I’d always felt in churches I’d attended over the years. I didn’t need that or the hypocrisy among members – not today – but my heart-felt called to attend that service.

In addition to being irritated, I was tired so I considered just driving home and going back to bed. Frances not showing up could be a sign of some sort. I’d rather go to church on the Sabbath anyway and sleep in on Sundays.  Sunday mornings should be enjoyable and relaxed. I can worship God anytime with anyone but my heart seemed tied to that place in that moment.

After all, what was my real reason for my being there? I need God in my life, I already know that but I’m not remotely interested in sitting through an hour-long service  where I don’t know anyone, including the guy giving God’s message but there was this strong urge to enter that building, that feeling of being pushed or even shoved from out of nowhere.

Then all of my prayers came to mind, and the list of the top ten things I was doing to improve myself. I looked at the daily prayer that I had posted in my car, my conversations with God on my way into work each morning. I’d been asking Him to help me find a church family and to put more positive people in my life, individuals stronger than myself to give me insight in my search to find peace, my want to find purpose. I was pushed as I got out of the car and then shoved as I walked through the doors of the church. I sat down in the sanctuary feeling like I’d thought too much when I should have just followed my heart and listened to that warning from God letting me know that He simply answered my prayer.

It really doesn’t matter that I don’t know anyone. I know God.

From the personal journal of Kerri Bishop Reece 
Healing Kerri – written December 15, 2006

 

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