We all have to set boundaries for ourselves. It’s very important. Boundary setting is not about getting other people to change. It is about deciding what you are prepared to tolerate and then communicating those limits firmly and consistently.
If you have poor boundaries, you might take responsibility for other people’s feelings and problems. Your life may be chaotic and full of drama. You may find it difficult to say ‘no’ for fear of rejection. You might be either overly responsible and controlling, or passive and dependent in your relationships with others. You will be very tolerant of others abusive behavior towards you. You will compromise your values in order to please someone or avoid conflict.
Helpful tips for setting healthy boundaries:
- Do it even though you feel selfish or guilty. You have a right to take care of yourself.
- Start with the easiest ones.
- Do it clearly without emotion and in as few words as possible.
- Do not justify, apologize or rationalize.
- You WILL be tested by others that are used to being able to control or manipulate you. Remain firm or just walk away.
- Develop a support system of those who respect your boundaries.
Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time but stick with it because having unhealthy boundaries only attracts those that will take advantage of them. Set some healthy boundaries for yourself, start attracting healthier people into your life. Really start living!