Tag Archives: Kerri’s Diary

Thank You For Causing Me So Much Pain

Dear Mom,

I’m not bitter with you, I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you didn’t want to be a part of my life and my successes. I feel sorry that you would rather be my biggest failure. I feel sorry that you chose a life without me in it. I feel sorry that I’ve accomplished so much in the last couple of years and you’ve heard nothing about it. I feel sorry that you have no right to be proud of me. I feel sorry that you will never be a part of my life again.  I feel sorry that I let you hurt me as badly as you did. I feel sorry that I put so much trust and effort into building a relationship with you; a relationship that you just didn’t want. I feel sorry that I had faith in you. Most of all, though, I feel sorry that you will forever feel that I’m simply not good enough.

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My Life is Utterly Meaningless

MeaninglessSitting here in the recliner at my father’s house, I can’t think of one short-term reason to continue living.

Why am I here on earth? Why was I put here? Why was I even born? Do I have some kind of obscure intrinsic value to add to this world? Do I even serve a simple purpose? I’ve been asking myself these questions since I was ten years old.

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I Love

I Love

I love falling asleep to the sound of rain, its smell, summer showers, and forehead kisses.
I love books that I can’t put down, warm, crispy towels off the line, and finding quotes that describe my current situation.
I love seeing my favorite bands live, the boom of thunder; and lightning that lights up the sky.
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The Day I Attempted Suicide


The Day I Attempted Suicide

“You are such a selfish person Kerri, truly pathetic, I don’t have time for this shit!”

That’s what my mother said to me the day I attempted suicide. Continue reading The Day I Attempted Suicide

Toxic Family Members > God says “Walk Away”

ToxicFamilyMembers - God says walk away

I am often asked why I don’t associate with my birth mother, my brother, and two of my half-brothers. The conversations all start with, “How is your…?” To which I reply, “I’m not really sure, I haven’t seen them or talked to them in years”. Then I am asked “Why?” To keep it simple, I  just say that we took different paths in life, which sums it up in a nutshell, but that never seems to be an acceptable answer, because as soon as it’s said, the interrogation begins. At this point, I usually just say that the house I grew up in was abusive so I walked away, so I wouldn’t become a product of that environment. I am then told, in so many words, that it’s sinful and wrong that I’ve cut off ties with my family; that it doesn’t matter that they were or are abusive to me, the proper thing to do is be patient and tolerant of their sins.

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