I love to read so when I travel I hit all the local used books stores and load up on books. I’ve had this books for quite some time but now wish I’d bought it when it was first released and paid full price because it explains my mindset and what’s in my heart, better than I ever could find the words to do.
I strongly believe that every survivor of rape in any form (sexual abuse\sexual assault\child molestation\incest, etc.) must create their own pathway to recovery. What works for one might not work for another. Therapy, medicine and counseling might be the right path for some people, but not for others. It was not the path for me. I strongly feel that unless a person has walked in my shoes, they truly cannot relate to the pain, darkness and confusion; the act of rape drapes around a sufferers soul. It’s an agony that drives the very sunshine from all of parts of life.
If you’ve ever heard me speak, had a deep conversation with me about my childhood or read my testimony, you know that above all things I recognize those that were a light for me in the midst of all the darkness. God, Paul Fazekas (my dad), Cheryl Morris Fazekas, Casey Watson, Renee Watson, Wally Hunt, Robin Foose, Mr. and Mrs. Hanson, Karen Hack, Jean Fisher, Lori Fisher, Margaret Smith, Joe Fazekas II, Richard Thacker, Tammy McNamara, Pam Arnold, Mike Poole, Christy Copeland, John Copeland, Connie Copeland, Joy Copeland, Gail Neely, Beth Posey, Cliff Loehr, Alan Holland, Kevin Humphry, David Santos, Stephanie Hall, Naomi Gold, Mike Fazekas, Daniel Fazekas, Stephanie Fazekas, Bob Hodo, Vicki Hilliard, Daniel Bradley, Drake Horton, Zoraida Cox, Janice Munoz and several others. I’ve truly had a tremendous amount of people to inspire me and I’ve never failed to say how wonderfully grateful I am.
Each of these individuals have taught me something, bestowed wisdom upon my soul, dried my tears, eased my pain, and pointed me to today and they did so, unbeknownst to them, by simply granting me their patience, showering me with love and favoring upon me true friendship full of faith, hope and optimism.
I am the person I am today because I made a choice to follow people that inspired me, individuals that were strong where I was weak, souls that fostered me up, branded me with a character of courage, integrity and honor. These spirits broke down my walls, smothered my fears, shattered my silence, and set the truth free. These individuals launched me forward, helped me make better decisions for myself, and to see my life and what I’d been through with a little more clarity.
Looking back, in the midst of all my suffering I was surrounded by very strong people. Strong people put in my path by God; and God’s people, just like Satan’s; they know their own, and they gravitate towards their own, the difference being the love they bequeath upon the world and each other. That is what God wants for all of us.
Just like my spirit, your spirit is resilient. God created us that way. He gave us the ability to forgive and to leave our past behind us, to look forward instead of back. This does not mean those at fault are not held accountable, it simply means that you choose to be grateful for all the good in the midst of all the bad, and all the good you have in life now. Its choosing to more forward, be happy and not give those that have hurt you another second of your life.
Life is a journey for us all. We all face trials. We all have ups and downs. But at the end of each day, we are masters of our own fate. We are the ones who decide how we are going to react to life. You can handicapped yourself and waste it or you can empower yourself, be grateful and love every minute of it. I encourage you to empower yourself! Truth and happiness go hand in hand. Speak it, live it and love it because every situation you find yourself in, things could be worse. Always be grateful for the good that you have!
The 13 years of sexual abuse that I suffered in my home, has enabled me to help others. I can reach out to victims and help them to learn to be happy. Because I have actually lived through what I’ve experienced, I am able to be a voice for change and I am grateful for that! I am grateful for the opportunities that I’ve had to help other people. And I am grateful for all of those that have helped me along the way!
Your life is your own, what will you do with it?
Want to read more of Kerri’s journey in healing? Check out these post:
The Essence of a Little Girls Loneliness and Pain
Love Letter to the Wounded child Inside
Toxic Family Members > God says “Walk Away”
Thank You for Causing Me So Much Pain
Toxic Family Members – 10 ways to Rescue & Save Yourself
My Mothers Legacy of Shame – An Open Letter – From Me, the Daughter She Didn’t Protect