Wordless, this photograph has sat framed, in my home, my entire life. No matter where I have lived, I’ve kept it close, hearing its horrifying screams daily, silently grasping for me, bellowing all the words that you see. Words from the well of my deepest despair. Words boldly wrestling within my soul, clawing out those tiny eyes, like rusted barbed wire, embracing me, bludgeoning me, shredding all that was left of my vanquished tortured being. Continue reading
I have made this Nut-Free Banana Bread more times than I can count, but each time I make it, it gets scarfed down before I get a chance to take a picture of it. I don’t remember where the original recipe came from but I’ve tweaked it a bit since I started making it and with that it’s become a family favorite where I make two loaves at a time whenever we have leftover bananas that need to be eaten. Continue reading
I was raped and ritually abused nearly every day for 2 years straight at 5 and 6 years old by close friends of my parents, and their son who babysat me. Mom dad and son. All three were involved.
I am 34 years old now… After 28 years of suffering the torment of silence, alone, ashamed, and riddled with guilt. I finally got the courage to post this on my wall on Facebook because how grateful I would have been to see this pic 20 years ago!
You can check out the link to the picture I posted HERE.
A survivor always,
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I am often asked why I don’t associate with my birth mother, my brother, and two of my half-brothers. The conversations all start with, “How is your…?” To which I reply, “I’m not really sure, I haven’t seen them or talked to them in years”. Then I am asked “Why?” To keep it simple I just say that we took different paths in life, which sums it up in a nutshell, but that never seems to be an acceptable answer, because as soon as it’s said, the interrogation begins. At this point I usually just say that the house I grew up in was abusive and I walked away, so I wouldn’t become a product of my environment. I am then told, in so many words, that it’s sinful and wrong that I’ve cut off ties with my family, that it doesn’t matter that they are abusive to me, that the proper thing to do is be patient and tolerant of their sins.